Explaining Holidays

Happy All Soul’s Day or All Saint’s Day, or Happy Halloween… take your pick.Missing your dearly departed? Did you light a candle on behalf of a loved one’s memory, create a home altar, burn some incense, or leave an offering of goodies with a bottle of the departed’s favorite drink?We cozied up with friends around the fireplace one chilly Halloween Eve with hors d’oeuvres and glasses of wine in hand after grueling hours of distributing treats to a parade of neighborhood kids; we’d been secretly judging the cuteness of their costumes all night, but we were finally weary of the ringing doorbell, and the “Trick of Treat’ screams!” Dizzy with a sugar rush from left-over candies, and with a sigh of relief, we put our feet up and toasted to seal the long day.
As the crackling flames of the fire emitted warmth as we honored those who’d gone on before us. It brought up nostalgic memories and some chuckles. Feeling their nearness we were filled with loving thoughts of those who’ve cross over to the next dimension. After all, it was Halloween, the season where the veil between the living and the dead is its thinnest. Darwin shared that his mother had died on ‘All Saint’s Day’ many years before in the wee hours of the morning after a Halloween. Ironically, it was also his birthday. A grim reminder perhaps that we are all just passing through in this life?“My mom and dad both passed away in November too; they died years apart, but both in the same month. I don’t believe in coincidence,” I said.

Each year we celebrate the transitions of our loved one’s together on ‘All Saint’s Day’ and ‘All Soul’s Day’ and in November, and maybe its because it’s a smoother and easier for souls crossing over during this particular month? Maybe we can experience spirits from the other world more easily on these days? Memories began to surface and provoked sweet sadness, a good friend, Allison blurted out, “For real? My mom died first week of November too. I sure miss her.” Our jaws dropped. Its sometimes hard to chalk everything up to coincidence! I told her, “When I am thinking of my mother, she often visits me in my dreams as if I summoned a genie bottle… She’d tinker in my room and fuss over things.”

“Hey Mom, will you please stop fussing and sit here next to me?” I’d ask. “Then she walked towards me and sat down with me. We would catch up about everything under the sun, heaven, hell and in between. The moment I wake up, she’d be gone, our conversation erased from my mind, although I could swear, she was in the room with me just a few seconds ago. I could still smell her presence .”

I asked, “Do you dream of your mom too Allison?” “My mom visits me too… usually by fax,” Allison shared. “Huh? what do you mean?”
“Well, I was working late one night at my home office and then the fax machine started spewing out paper without anything on it; I assumed it was my mom. So, I said, ‘Hi mom’.”
“Wait. I’m curious why do you think it was your mother?”
“The date and the time when she passed away was stamped on every piece of paper!” She grinned matter-of-factly.

Darwin challenged, “Sure, but it can be someone pranking you, right? You know, ‘Trick or treat!’ and all that?”
Allison said, “Don’t be silly. It could only be my mom! I pulled the plug from the fax machine, and it continued to spew paper! That kind of prank would have been right up my mother’s alley… especially, from the beyond!”
“Oh!” I rubbed the hair as it rose on my forearms, a chill wind enveloped me despite the fire burning. ’Mom?’ I thought.
“Every time, I wear mom’s jewelries, I always lose a pair.”

My sissie Conni spoke up. “Funny though, I always find the other pair in a week or two in the most conspicuous spot in the house. How could I have missed it? Mom, always loved playing the old switcharoo game on me.”
“That’s probably spookier now that you’re sober!”
We had a laugh and Conni poured herself some more Martinelli’s sparkling apple juice. She’s proud of her sobriety and tolerated the rest of us winos.
Whether you get a dream apparition, or electronic ‘trick or treats’ from beyond, I usually call these ‘nudges-from-heaven’.
It used to be that ‘All Saints Day’, November First, was the biggest day on the Filipino’s calendar. I remember it was a joy to visit the cemetery. The graveyard was always super crowded. People brought tons of foods and booze, while they barbecued on location creating a mixture of aromas swirling around the area. Some families would pitch a tent and some even slept by the headstones of their loved ones to keep the deceased company. While the more faithful chant the rosary all night long or prayed the Novena intermittently, others would bring in their boom box and play their music way too loud. Outsiders would never know they were visiting a cemetery. It felt more like a carnival; you’d think everyone was celebrating a town fiesta. It wasn’t unusual to see people playing card games or Mahjong to whiling the night away during their vigil.For us there’s been a tradition all over our province to come home to pay homage to the departed on these holidays, but these things are changing! It depends on who’s in office in your area; our mayor recently banned alcohol and gambling at the cemeteries to keep the holidays solemn. Not surprisingly, this tapered off visiting crowds that usually flocked to the potter’s field during the holidays.

There are always those who will not be dissuaded. Now they organize Zumba dances and movie nights during the long four-day holiday weekend anyway. Depending on the churchyard your dearly departed can afford, and of course, on your family’s tastes and budget. If you are still above ground and you think you’d like to have a lot of visitors in the afterlife you might want to consider which cemetery, because even in death there are ‘the-haves-and-there-have-nots’. More expensive boneyards might not be to the liking of your departed, but its really more about the living.On the yearly pilgrimage to your honored love ones who doesn’t want bragging rights about their cemetery destination? Who doesn’t want to say, ‘We’re headed to Hollywood Hill’s Pavilions.’ instead of ‘You know the cemetery behind the ‘cockfighting pit’?

The high-end cemeteries often look down their noses at movie-night shown against the mausoleums or a spontaneous Zumba dance rounds on the graves of strangers, but the more modern memorial parks setup pavilions fully equipped for these activities, as well as all day Karaoke or DJs with modest but clean comfort rooms. It makes it easier for guests to rest from the scorching sun, have meals, and replenish their refreshments. They might be designed to be more serious and minimize raging parties, still the bathrooms are clean. These might only be a secondary consideration for the dead, but as for me, I want my final resting place to be in a graveyard that’s has a balance of fun and clean restrooms for my visitors. After all, who doesn’t like visitors?
According to the Catholic Church, my understanding of the difference between November First and Second goes something like this: On the one hand, ‘All Saints Day’ commemorates those who are baptized and are in heaven. It’s like Día de Los Muertos – in Mexico that falls on the same day; its a colorful celebrations! This shouldn’t be surprising, we both have direct ties to Spanish conquers and galleon trade… we got Magellan and they got Cortez.On the other hand, there’s ‘All Souls Day’ that celebrates the unbaptized heathens, the yet-to-be-penitent, who are still stuck in Purgatory!

Maybe they’ve got work they need to do there, like spiritual pilates or sit-ups? Considering the hierarchy among the dead, they probably need our prayers most of all. Its comforting to know that the rat race doesn’t end, even when you’re dead there are the ‘haves-and-have-nots’!

Where All Saint’s Day and All Soul’s Day are concerned, its the same as with most cultures; there are some people who are more observant than others. For me, I’m flexible. That’s our long weekend of hanging out with family and friends at the beach if, of course, we’re not headed to the local Necropolis for an obligatory visit to our long lamented dead.

And of course, the Covid era has had its effect on the entire system too, and not just by reducing the celebrants and putting them on the list of those being celebrated. These days the deceased are cremated and buried within three – days by law! The memorial parks are closed or in most cases and visitors are limited. Most days can enter the graveyard without proof of vaccination. Ironically, during the holidays the graveyard is closed to avoid the transmission of Covid and other variants. So during the holidays we’ve got to settle on digital funerals and virtual Novenas over Zoom. Traditional funerals, long wakes, and personal goodbyes are a thing of the past… at least for now anyway. It’s very tough for people in my culture to find closure under these circumstances; in years to come I think it will only make our traditional visits to the cemetery even more essential!

For me, this year’s long holiday weekend we’ll be thinking of the dearly departed, celebrating their lives and ours, here on the beach with my doggies and my favorite cocktail. So don’t forget to light the candle, burn some incense for them, or raise a toast, because if you don’t remember the veil is thin! They might might just visit you in your dreams as a gentle reminder. Salute to you, Mom, Dad and Randy. I will keep the flame alive in my heart until the next visit!
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